10 Narcissist Cheating Signs & How to Confront Them (2023)

10 Narcissist Cheating Signs & How to Confront Them (1)

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Do you suspect your partner may be cheating on you? Do they tend to disappear for days on end and not answer your calls until they return? Do they get all accusatory when you confront them about disappearances and unfaithful behavior?

Are they constantly glued to their phone and shady on social media?

As much as you may not want to hear it, you may be dealing with a cheating narcissist.

These are only some of the common narcissist cheating signs. But before exploring them, let’s dig deeper into narcissistic cheater traits and the reasons for infidelity.

Who is a narcissistic person?

Narcissistic people often feel entitled and superior to others and have a massive ego that they need to feed regularly. They crave constant attention and want people to admire them.

They are self-centered, manipulative, and often project their infidelity to their partner.

They feel the need to control their partner, and that power trip isn’t satisfied with just one person. The more people they seduce, the more powerful they feel.

Do narcissists feel remorse for cheating on their partners?

Unfortunately, they don’t.

If they felt any guilt, they would perhaps be able to change their behavior and stop cheating.

(Video) Top 8 Signs of a Cheating Narcissist

No consequence is enough to turn them around because, in their eyes, cheating isn’t anything serious. It’s just a way to make them feel better about themselves.

And since they lack remorse for their actions, nothing stops them from doing it again.

Related Reading: Signs You Are Married to a Narcissist

Why do narcissists cheat and lie?

Narcissists often cheat because they have little to no self-control. It’s not usually in their nature to resist the temptation to feed their ego with new sources of attention.

Poor impulse control, a big ego, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, delusions of grandeur, lack of remorse, empathy and shame, and a constant need for narcissistic supply are the key reasons why narcissists lie and cheat on their partners.

Most of all, they simply think they can get away with it.

Now that you have a better idea of why narcissists lie and cheat, you may be wondering:

Do all narcissists cheat on their partners?

10 Narcissist Cheating Signs & How to Confront Them (2)

Narcissists and cheating often go hand in hand, but you’ll be happy to know that not all narcissists cheat.

You wouldn’t say that all cheaters are narcissists, would you? The same goes the other way around.

Just because your partner may have some narcissistic cheater traits doesn’t mean that they’re going to sneak behind your back and become unfaithful.

Still, a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) does make a person more likely to lie and cheat for no good reason and do it repeatedly.

Related Reading: How to Deal With a Narcissist in a Relationship?

10 signs a narcissist is cheating on you

Knowing narcissist cheating signs and how to recognize that your partner may be having an affair can save you a lot of potential pain and heartache.

These are the telltale narcissist cheating signs you should be aware of:

(Video) 5 Signs of a Narcissistic Cheater (Gather Your LEVERAGE!)

1. Disappearing frequently and being vague about their whereabouts

The first in the list of narcissist cheating signs is that many cheating narcissists tend to drop off the face of the Earth regularly and not take their partner’s calls for hours or days on end.

Even if you live together, they may not find it difficult to find excuses to go away for several days. They could say they’re visiting a friend or a distant relative that lives in another city.

Obviously, they don’t need to disappear for long periods to have an affair. But if they’re unreachable for hours, they may be seeing someone else.

2. Flirting on social media

Flirting with someone else on social media may be a sign a narcissist is cheating on you.

You know what they say, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”

If you confront your partner about it, they may say that they’re only friends. However, if they’re publicly flirting on social media, it only means they don’t respect you or care about what you or others might think.

3. Not putting their phone down or letting you anywhere near it

One of the narcissist cheating signs or for anyone, in general, is that when anyone is cheating, they usually communicate with their flings via text messages. That’s why their phone isn’t likely to leave their side. It’s also always password-protected.

If there’s a chance of their fling calling, they’re likely to keep their phone in silent mode and inside their pocket.

4. Accusing you of having an affair

“The best defense is a good offense.”

If you accuse your narcissistic partner of having an affair, they’re probably going to deny it, even if it’s true.

But to turn the focus away from their infidelity, they might start accusing you of cheating. Projection is a narcissist’s defense mechanism and clearly one of the narcissist cheating signs that they use to play the victim and throw you off the scent.

5. Sudden changes in behavior

10 Narcissist Cheating Signs & How to Confront Them (3)

Has your partner started paying much more attention to their hygiene and appearance? Have they started being sneaky and coming home late? Maybe they no longer answer their phone while you’re around?

(Video) If A Narcissist CHEATS On You DO THIS... | Lisa Romano

If you notice any unusual behavior changes that indicate infidelity, and your gut is telling you that something fishy is going on, it may be one of those narcissist cheating signs, and you may be right.

6. Sudden changes in libido

If your partner suddenly seems uninterested in you physically, they may be satisfying their needs elsewhere.

The same is true if they start displaying a higher libido than usual. It may mean that the person they’re cheating you with isn’t currently available, so they turn to you again.

7. Canceling plans frequently

Whether you’re dating a cheating narcissist or you’re married to one, canceling plans at the last minute may be signs of a narcissist cheating as they’ve made other plans.

They may say it’s because of work or anything else important that came up. While that may be true at times, it screams infidelity if it happens all the time.

8. Avoiding a conversation about their cagey behavior

Confronting a narcissist about lies, cheating, and their cagey behavior only makes them behave shadier. They rarely want to talk things out because they aren’t likely to admit they’re seeing someone else, which is one of the important signs of a cheating narcissist.

If you accuse your partner of cheating, you may give them an excellent excuse to disappear for a while to avoid having a serious conversation.

9. Showering you with gifts out of the blue

If your partner isn’t used to buying you gifts, but they start doing it frequently, they may be trying to throw you off the scent of their unfaithful actions.

Making you feel special all of a sudden is one of the most common manipulation techniques of a narcissist. They make their partners think they’re thoughtful and caring and that they would never cheat on them.

The video below talks about different games narcissists play, like dehumanizing, blame-shifting, etc. Find out more:
10 Narcissist Cheating Signs & How to Confront Them (4)

10. Mysteriously spending more money behind your back

If you’re dating a cheating narcissist, you probably don’t have an insight into their spending. But if you’re married to one and discover unidentifiable charges on their credit card, they may be buying gifts for someone else.

Talking about finances are essential in marriage but such signs of a cheating narcissist are true if they insist you switch to separate bank accounts after having a joint account for years.

Related Reading: Can a Narcissist Change for Love?

What happens when you confront a narcissist cheater?

If you notice any of the red flags above and they turn out to be true, it’s important to understand that cheating is not your fault. Most narcissists will cheat on anyone they’re with, especially when the relationship or marriage is already well-established.

(Video) CHEATING NARCISSISTS TELL ON THEMSELVES : Pay Attention & LISTEN

It’s also crucial to understand that being cheated on by a narcissist doesn’t mean that you’re less intelligent than they are.

Quite the contrary.

Narcissists often think they’re cleverer than their partners and that they can get away with cheating. Underestimating their partners is how they make mistakes and get caught.

Now, confronting a narcissist cheater may not go the way you imagine.

When a narcissist is caught cheating and lying, they often make up a heap of more lies to convince you that they’ve been nothing but faithful. Even if you have evidence of cheating, they’re likely to deny everything and even project their infidelity onto you.

Getting angry and gaslighting you may also be their response.

But what happens when they can no longer deny the evidence? What if you catch them in the act?

Then they might blame you for their cheating.

They may think of a dozen reasons why it was allegedly your behavior that made them seek attention outside your relationship or marriage. Narcissists will say anything to turn the focus away from them and blame it on someone else.

Related Reading: What Revenge Tactics You Can Expect from a Narcissist

Takeaway

If you can, try to talk with your partner

These narcissist cheating signs may not always indicate an affair. But if your partner displays those signs, you should have an honest talk with them to try and find out the reasons for their behavior. The way they respond when you confront them should tell you if they’ve been faithful or not.

If you want to work on your relationship, you should see a mental health professional or a relationship counselor to sort things out, especially if the relationship is not an abusive one.

But even if they haven’t been cheating, you may be better off without them. You deserve a loving, caring, and loyal partner who respects you and makes you happy.

(Video) THE SNEAKY THINGS NARCISSISTS SAY WHEN YOU CONFRONT THEM/LISA ROMANO

FAQs

How does a narcissist behave when caught cheating? ›

When a narcissist is caught cheating and lying, they often make up a heap of more lies to convince you that they've been nothing but faithful. Even if you have evidence of cheating, they're likely to deny everything and even project their infidelity onto you.

How do you get a narcissist to confess? ›

How to Trick a Narcissist Into Telling the Truth
  1. 1 Collect evidence in advance.
  2. 2 Approach a narcissist when you're calm.
  3. 3 Reassure them that it's safe to tell the truth.
  4. 4 Ask for simple “yes” or “no” answers.
  5. 5 Tell them not to blame anyone or anything else.
  6. 6 Say they'll lose people's respect if they keep lying.

What upsets a narcissist the most? ›

8 Triggers of a Narcissist's Rage

They feel that they've been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly. They're not the center of attention. They're caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries. They're held accountable for their actions.

How do you know the narcissist has moved on? ›

30 Signs that a narcissist is finished with you
  • The narcissist no longer hides their true colors. ...
  • You feel the change. ...
  • The narcissist will no longer give you love bombs. ...
  • They are constantly irritated with you. ...
  • The narcissist ignores everything you say. ...
  • They criticize you. ...
  • They are always distant. ...
  • A narcissist will gaslight you.
28 Mar 2022

How do narcissists get revenge? ›

The easiest way to do it is to give them attention (the thing they want the most) and then take it away. Start a conversation with them and then turn your focus to another friend or colleague—the narcissist will spiral and try desperately to get their supply of compliments and attention back.

How do you scare a narcissist? ›

There's nothing a narcissist fears more than being left alone. Block their phone number, unfriend them on social media, and don't even acknowledge their presence if you're ever in the same room with one another. This won't just scare a narcissist—it will devastate them.

What are narcissist weaknesses? ›

A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.

What weird things do narcissists do? ›

One of the weird things narcissists do involves destroying your happiness and relaxing moments. They will purposefully do things to prevent you from doing something as simple as sleep. Even if you had a long day or are sick, a narcissist may start a fight while you are trying to sleep.

How do you beat a narcissist in his own game? ›

Don't React to Their Abusive Tactics

Your reaction is exactly what they want. So, don't accept the narcissist's gaslighting phrases as your truth. They will try everything to demean and discredit you. Practice positive affirmations to undue blame and maintain healthy self-esteem.

What happens when you confront a narcissist with his lies? ›

Generally, they will resort to narcissistic rage (explosive or passive-aggressive) or denial. He or she may become enraged, deny everything, call you a liar, twist reality, blame you and then play the victim. You may be the recipient of rage and aggression or the victim of The Silent Treatment.

What are narcissist jealous of? ›

They get jealous about everything

They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have very low self-esteem. Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous.

What drives narcissist crazy? ›

“The thing that drives a narcissist crazy is the lack of control and the lack of a fight. The less you fight back, the less power you can give them over you, the better,” she says.

What are narcissist most afraid of? ›

Narcissists are terrified of being alone, and their greatest fear is abandonment. Setting clear boundaries or not reacting to their chaotic manipulation will cause them to become afraid of losing you even though they may never admit it.

How do you make a narcissist jealous? ›

Keep busy with your own friends and activities. Show them you have a life of your own, so they want to be part of it. If the narcissist thinks that you're giving your attention and energy to other relationships, they can easily get jealous or protective.

What are the red flags of a narcissist? ›

Here are some narcissism red flags to look out for: Lacking empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to have empathy for others, and they appear to have no desire for emotional intimacy. Unrealistic sense of entitlement.

Which words would hurt a narcissist and make him leave you alone? ›

The following are 16 key phrases to disarm a narcissist:
  • 1. “ ...
  • “I Can't Control How You Feel About Me” ...
  • “I Hear What You're Saying” ...
  • “I'm Sorry You Feel That Way” ...
  • “Everything Is Okay” ...
  • “We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions” ...
  • “I Can Accept How You Feel” ...
  • “I Don't Like How You're Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”
28 Dec 2021

How do narcissists end relationships? ›

MD. At the end of a relationship, a narcissist will often spiral down a long-winded gauntlet of manipulation tactics. They may blame you for causing the relationship to fail, work hard to keep you to stay with them, make lofty promises to change their behavior, or badmouth you to everyone around them.

Does a narcissist regret losing you? ›

Do narcissists regret discarding or losing someone? It is common for people with a narcissistic personality disorder to regret discarding or losing someone, but it does not mean what you might think. If they feel regret, it is not because they hurt you. It is for losing something that they value.

How does a narcissist punish you? ›

Narcissists torture others using these common coercive tactics to gain compliance: Isolation removing the target's independence, such as by restricting contact with friends, outside family, and social connections; constraining physical freedom; and limiting financial resources.

Do narcissists try to destroy you? ›

The seek to destroy strong relationships with friends and family. The first is strong family relationships. If a narcissistic abuser knows you have a strong bond with your relatives, they will seek to destroy it by worming their way in and causing issues from within.

How do you turn a narcissist table? ›

Let's say you know you have a tough conversation coming with your narcissist. Before the conversation even starts, simply say, “Now I know you are going to react hard to this, but I need to tell you…..” Then tell them. Their own burning desire to prove you wrong will keep their reaction in check.

Do narcissists miss you after no contact? ›

Do narcissists miss their ex after No Contact? Now you might be thinking that the narcissist really misses you and the answer is yes, they do but not the way you hope. As we explained above, you were their source of narcissistic supply — a source of love, admiration, and praise.

How does a narcissist text? ›

When a narcissist senses they're losing you, they'll use texting to overwhelm you with words—usually a heady mix of almost-apologies, vague promises, and passive-aggressive digs. Example: “Hey, Babe. I've been thinking about us all morning and how great we are together.

Who does a narcissist marry? ›

A narcissist marries someone who would be a good source of long term narcissistic supply for them. They find a potential partner in someone who is weaker, less intelligent or underconfident.

What is the best way to beat a narcissist? ›

How to Beat a Narcissist
  1. 1 Go limited or no-contact if you can.
  2. 2 Stay calm when they're trying to upset you.
  3. 3 Use “we” language to get them on your side.
  4. 4 Give praise and compliments to neutralize them.
  5. 5 Say something nice before you give criticism.
  6. 6 Let them feel accomplished to minimize drama.

What does a narcissist value most? ›

They demand respect, and give none in return.

For a narcissist, their needs must always be put first, and they will never reciprocate those feelings for anyone else. The world revolves around them, and everyone who happens to be part of that world should go along with it.

How do you frustrate a narcissist? ›

Simply put, anything that jeopardizes their basic needs for superiority can quickly irritate them. If you want to know how to infuriate a narcissist, you can look no further than giving them nothing. But you can also stand up for yourself, set boundaries, and refuse their gaslighting strategies.

What narcissists want most? ›

Narcissists thrive on getting attention, feeling special, and having control. He is an expert at getting an emotional reaction out of you – good or bad – because it makes him feel powerful and better than you. The best thing you can do is not react.

Do narcissists spend a lot of money? ›

They are only generous with money in public.

To narcissists, spending large amounts of money on others can be a way to get people to like them. They may be stingy in private, for example, but cover dinner for colleagues or give gifts just for show.

What do narcissists talk about? ›

Excessive Aggrandizement & Self-Praise

Face-to-face or in social media, narcissist communicators often enjoy flaunting, bragging, humble bragging, or dramatizing their supposedly envy-worthy lifestyle, praise-worthy achievements, attention-worthy dramas, and status/trophy-worthy relationships.

What brings a narcissist down? ›

The best way to shut down a narcissist is to not engage with them at all and to go no contact. People that are narcissistic want things from you – they want your attention and your emotional reaction.

How do you tell if a narcissist loves you? ›

If a narcissist is interested in you, you might notice that they shower you with admiration and attention shortly after you meet them. They might be quick to say “I love you,” put you on a pedestal, and make grand romantic gestures.

Can a narcissist be a good person? ›

Narcissists can sometimes be helpful and caring. However, more often than not, they only pretend to have these qualities. Moreover, even when they act giving and helping, they are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their help is often not very productive.

How do you beat a narcissistic bully? ›

Best Ways To Deal With Narcissistic Rage
  1. Don't Be Baited.
  2. Don't Accept Their Blame.
  3. Fight Back With Kindness.
  4. Make and Stick to Boundaries.
  5. Give Equal Weight to Your Own Feelings.
  6. Defend Yourself: Prevent Bullying Without Fighting.
  7. Make Sure to Document Everything.
17 Oct 2020

What kind of games do narcissist play? ›

Some common games someone with narcissistic personality disorder might engage in include: blame shifting. deception. gaslighting.

How a narcissist wins an argument? ›

Blame shifting is a convenient way for a narcissist to side step any responsibility and shift an argument from the actual facts of the debate, to who is to blame for it happening. (And that is never them.) You'll often notice a narcissist using this strategy when they're caught out.

What does a narcissist do when they get caught? ›

If you catch a narcissist in a lie and confront them, you will definitely face at least one of the Four D's. They will either deny, deflect, devalue, and/or dismiss you.

What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship? ›

At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.

What makes a narcissist panic? ›

Narcissists love to play the victim to gain sympathy and attention, so you can make them panic when you don't indulge this in them. If you don't give them the chance to play the victim role, they will find something else to take control of their life.

What shuts a narcissist down? ›

The best way to shut down a narcissist is to walk away from them. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Even if they keep talking, simply turn around and walk away. If they follow you, close the door.

How long does the average relationship last with a narcissist? ›

According to Dr. Darlene Lancer, many narcissists can only sustain a relationship for six months to a few years (at the most). Keep in mind, though, we're talking about one four-stage cycle. Too often, a narcissist will initiate the cycle again, training their target to expect them to come back.

Videos

1. The Covert Narcissist and Cheating My top 5 Ways they get away with it
(The Enlightened Target)
2. 15 Things Cheaters Say When Confronted
(True Medallion)
3. 7 THINGS NARCISSISTS SAY WHEN THEY'RE CAUGHT
(Common Ego)
4. The 5 Signs Someone Has Suffered Narcissistic Abuse
(MedCircle)
5. Top 10 Signs Your Narcissist is Sneaking Around and Cheating on You: NPD Red Flags in Marriage
(Angie Atkinson)
6. How To Spot A Cheater: Experts Reveal The Warning Signs | TODAY
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